knob creek single barrel

Knob creek single barrel

 

Post orgasm torture

 

I speak English. I can punch you.

I can also jerk my bird better than anybody who’s ever tried it. It’s one of life’s greatest gifts; you can always jerk yourself off better than anybody else you’ll ever meet in your life.

Then there’s that one person out there, who just doesn’t get it. the type of person who brings you to climax and just doesn’t fucking stop cranking.

I know, I know, we’ve all met that person, it’s like torture…. Come to think of it…. jerking a person off to climax and not stopping IS torture. Post orgasm torture is an actual thing that people do to ‘satisfy’(?) the urges of others. So, I spent a little more time than necessary researching just what the fuck post orgasm torture is and I constantly found myself getting linked to gay porn sites with heavily built dudes artfully tied up with large gauge rope and getting jerked off by other well built men, who have nicely groomed and intimidating, large penises.

So, here I am. A happily married, 30- something father who is vehemently hetero, watching dudes jerk each other off in the name of research. Let me just say this: thank-you, readers.

However, if you would like to conduct a little ‘do-it-yourself’ torture at home, I can help!

First, get a partner willing to let you wank him/her off.

Second, wank him/her off.

Third, once your partner has come to climax and made a mess of your hand, don’t stop wanking and watch your victim grimace and twitch like an electric chair victim. Trust me the reason is self explanatory.

The subject, in whom you’ve wanked, may even climax again, in which case he/she may have temporary trouble walking, due to two rapid succession orgasms. You know what? Come to think of it, it’s kinda like drinking knob creeks single barrel bourbon: you drink it and think you may actually climax from the flavor and texture, finish with a 60% abv and then think, ‘oh my god! This feeling is torture!’ and trust me, if you wish to indulge a second time, you too may lose control of your own legs.

 

Alc. 60%

Bottle:

Overall this bottle is a man’s man type of bottle; strong bourbon aged for 9 years and wrapped in an old style ragamuffin sort of off center newspaper scrap. The text is written in bold colors, white, black, red and brown, a small tag reads ‘single barrel reserve’. It’s an uber-masculine presentation. It’s a hefty, flat rectangle topped with wax and a black topped cork. It certainly stands out among the feminine wine bottle style of bourbons offered by others. Knob stands out as another obvious hint(uh-huh-huh). It’s a shame, but there is no barrel number or serial number for reference between barrels.

Nose:

Acetone is overwhelming at first. Some generous airing shows red licorice, corn syrup, and a touch of fresh peppermint. It’s pretty strong stuff, so the smell is a little intense of chemical.

Palate:

Tell tale foamy bananas, cherries, coconut and fresh butter. Nutty and fresh grass. Very pleasant until the peppery, alcoholic burn, followed by ash and char and rye spice. Thin, oily.

Overall:

This is not a contemplative sipper. This is some heavy duty bourbon that should be sourced out by a person who can truly appreciate cask strength whisky. the experience is nice, but the finish can be quite challenging. Not an everyday sip, but an essential bottle to keep on your shelf.

Please note:

This is the part where we finish off the review by stating some facts about knob creek, or beam, the company to release this super premium offering of bourbon. But I guess we’ve forgotten to add water to our dram, haven’t we? I guess the review isn’t over.

Hey, do me a favor and grab a glass of cold water and a small spoon please. I’ll just wait right here.

Oh. Thanks. That was quick.

Ok, so we have our near cask strength bourbon and our water. So, what I’m going to do is, very slowly place my palm on your throat, while my leg wraps around yours, compromising the strength in your knees as I fall forward on to you with all my weight. Don’t worry, it’s ok. Feel that poke? It’s just me, injecting you with some cat tranquilizers so you’ll stop fighting… ok? Cool? You weigh roughly the mass of twenty cats, right? Doesn’t matter.

Now that you’ve calmed down a bit I’m going to take that spoon and ever soooo gently just lift your eyelid and then scoop out that left eye of yours. Oh, stop screaming…. It’s ok. Want to hear something odd? they say the cord attaching your eye is as hard as chain, so lets juuust grab those bolt cutters and…. Phew! That was tough!

Ok, so now we have your eyeball scooped out. Now, open wide. Ok, come on…. I said open wide… so, what? you won’t open your mouth for me? well, it looks like I’ll just have to help your mouth open. So, we take a ball peen hammer and so gently smash those pearly clenched teeth of yours and when you scream in agony, ill just pop that eyeball right in your mouth and plug your nose.

Aaah! I see you have no choice other than to chew…. So, how’s that texture? It’s like biting into a fresh white grape isn’t it? too bad it doesn’t taste like one. Haha! What’s that? Why am I doing this to you? Oh, well I’m helping you. I’m helping you to remember that a lot of people put their life’s effort into this bottle of whisky and you’re just going to add water to it and change the whole dynamic. That’s terrible. That’s criminal. Often times adding water throws whisky off balance, I mean, for fucks sake, if the makers of this whisky wanted it drank at 58.4%, they would have bottled it at 58.4%, so please, show a little fucking respect. If you’re going to tinker with this, keep your self respect make it into an old fashioned.

You see, the good people at beam’s knob creek deliberately bottled this very close to cask strength because it is almost a perfect barrel on its own, without having to blend with other barrels. It’s the grandest gesture a bourbon house can offer to a customer and you’re just going to water it down? Well, I’m sure you won’t ever make that mistake again.

Every barrel of whisky is different, even if its filled with the same liquid as all the other barrels. warehouse placement can affect the rate at which whisky ages, the barrel itself is made from different staves cut from different trees, which have different grains, which effects the outcome of the whisky. one single barrel will have more vanilla, be more floral or have more tannins than another barrel. I recommend buying different bottles from different barrels and compare them, the experience is rewarding and memorable!