widow jane

Widow jane bourbon

 

Jeremy and his gigantic killer catfish

 

For years we as people have always known catfish for being an animal named after two animals. Big, dumb, slow and only useful as feed in our food chain, catfish started making quite the splash(rimshot) when they started getting linked to some missing bodies.

In the kali river, india, for about 8 – 9 years there were villagers going missing in the nearby river. For years it was unknown as to exactly why, even though there were multiple eye witnesses watching people suddenly get dragged under water and never seen again. Undertows were ruled out, sharks were not found in the stretch of river and crocodiles were deemed innocent too.

For years the local villagers were baffled as to just what was killing the populous in the kali river.

After hearing about the incident and figuring it profitable to send a tv crew out to document these incidents for north American viewers, they did just that. The british stepped up and said ‘aussies had steve Irwin, well lets show these wankers our version of life disregarding insanity’. So, a camera crew followed the english example of fuck-nut-crazy and delivered top ace extreme fisherman, Jeremy to the kali river.

The whole reason this came about is kind of funny, if you can appreciate a good multiple-people-died-unexpectedly-in-front-of-loved-ones joke. The kali river was used to transport not completely cremated corpses on floating funeral pyres. When a villager died, the body was sailed down the river on a raft which was lit on fire as a cremation ritual. The raft would go so far downstream before the flame was dampened and the raft was dismantled, leaving the charred body to rest in the water. Alternately, the body washed up on the shore of the villagers downstream, but those guys are assholes downstream. Fuck those guys.

And fuck those guys indeed. The rivers inhabitant, a giant catfish known as a ‘goonch’ was eating all the human remains that were floated down to it. this giant catfish simply had a free meal cooked up and sent right to it. eventually the giant catfish became somewhat bored with cooked meat and wanted something a little more lively(ba-da-psh), so whenever a local from downstream would be bathing or swimming in the river, the goonch simply grabbed the unexpecting chum and dragged him underwater for a meal.

Even though the river was searched and dragged for bodies, there were no remains found.

So, here comes Jeremy with his fishing rod. Jeremy hunted and stalked the goonch for a few days, and while wading in the water, trying to catch this thing the conventional way, there was a report of a water buffalo dragged and drown by an unknown giant river creature just a kilometer away downstream. Jeremy hopped out of the water, post haste.

About a week in to his hunt, Jeremy decided to send out a funeral pyre to lure in the fish. With a few more attempts, he did in fact hook the giant catfish and successfully land it. the fish ended up being over 6 feet long and weighed roughly 188 pounds! After an exhausting search and retrieval of the murderfish, Jeremy carefully delivered it safely back to the river, where it could live in peace and eat entire human bodies once again, because, fuck those guys downstream.

And after 8 – 9 years, our story ends. You know what else finishes in 8 – 9 years? Widow jane bourbon of course! it is aged for 8 – 9 years.

 

Alc. 45.5%

Bottle:

The presentation is simple. Tall, thick cylinder with a stubby neck, topped with a beautifull dark wood topper housing a synthetic cork. The bottom of the bottle is unexpectedly tapered, round and thin. The bottle itself is very hefty and thick with glass. The label is a taupe rectangular wrap with black text written in what I consider ‘army’ font.

The barrel number, bottle number and bottling date are hand written in red ink. The whole presentation is simple and easy on the eyes.

Nose:

A thick palate, full of coconut and cherry lollipops, fresh oak, some sour grass, sweet soft toffee and tobacco. After some air, there is some loam, latex, spun sugar and an even amount of char. The nose is very nicely balanced. Fresh peppermint.

Palate:

A bit thin and hot at first, then rounds out to a smooth, sweet finish. Hard cherry candies and fresh earth, followed with spicy charred oak. Grass, mesquite and decayed foliage, yellow stonefruits, corncobs and a peppermint finish. lots of charcoal.

Overall:

Other than being a bit predictable, this is very good bourbon. Robust, sweet, spicy and well balanced. This is a premium bottling.

Please note:

The good people at widow jane boast using local water from the ‘widow jane’ limestone mine in Rosendale, NY, which they claim is sweet. They also use heirloom corn varietals and are producing some whiskies which are 100% gmo free.

Mr. preston, the man in charge at widow jane has also started plans to grow his own heirloom corn in a 250 acre plot, neighboured by a 50 acre plot of rye.