woodford reserve double oaked

Woodford reserve double oaked

 

Double dragon

 

If we were to summarize the timeless and incredible video game double dragon, it would look like this: a man beats strangers to death while seeking a prostitute.

Truth be told, there is a very accurate and informed story to this game. Behold…….

Story-

It is the future(2012) and the city is reeling from the nuclear explosion that has almost decimated the city, leaving it in a pile of rubble, with undamaged buildings and unscathed paper posters still attached to crumbled walls. Two brothers named jimmy and bimmy lee, (who may or may not have had a cleft palate) are karate masters and teach students from their somehow-not-destroyed-by-an-atomic-blast karate dojo.

Roughly four dudes walk up to a hooker named marian and punch her in the stomach. She doubles over and the guy with the body armor and machine gun picks up the girl over his shoulder and walks away with their new spoils, because that’s the moral they wish to set upon young kids playing this game; as long as you have a gun, you don’t need to pay a hooker, just beat her unconscious and kidnap her. The icing on the cake is that when she is picked up over machine gun willy’s shoulder(actual name), her panties are exposed which leads to a large amount of 8 year old kids getting their first boner.

After the four dudes walk off screen with their shiny new sex worker, the garage door behind them opens up and out pops our hero, bimmy lee, who looks real handsome dressed up in a blue vest with wristbands and an elvis coif. Bimmy then neglects the fact that he has a fast car right behind him and he walks all the way to the shadow gangs hideout. Bimmy walks through a street side, an alley, a construction zone, a forest equipped with an elevator and eventually climbs the sheer of a mountain without a safety harness until he reaches the shadow gangs hideout which is a gold encrusted labyrinth fitted with booby traps like statues armed with spears, moving walls, unexplained fires and spiked pits in the floor.

On his casual stroll to the hideout, bimmy doesn’t engage in stern, abbreviated investigations as to his girlfriend/paramour’s whereabouts, instead he murders everybody he encounters with his fists and acts on intuition as to deduce her location. The colorful array of people he meets includes: street thugs, drug addicts, twisted sisters lead singer, micheal Jackson, muscular dudes with re-occurring lower back pain issues and a green person in women’s pants. The green person was so affected by the nuclear blast it turned him into an incredible hulk impersonator, instead of the radiation poisoned corpse you would expect.

Bimmy starts his adventure unarmed, but encounters people armed with knives, baseball bats, a cardboard box, whips, oil drums, dynamite, half-ton boulders and somebody was seen carrying a Morningstar. Of course, this continues until you reach the very end where you find marian tied up to a wall and you fight machine gun willy, who is appropriately armed with a machine gun. After you mercilessly fist-fuck willy, your next goal is to fight your own brother, jimmy, which it turns out is the secret leader behind the evil shadow gang the whole time(!). Whoever wins the fight kills his sibling and wins the love of the captive whore, who will live out the rest of her short life loving a mass murderer who may or may not sport a hair lip.

Presentation: 6/10

The people who you encounter have horrible fashion sense, doppelgangers of Schneider from ‘one day at a time’ but without the toolbelt and mustache. Most of the enemies you encounter will be wearing tight trousers and a ‘wifebeater’ shirt. More frightening, some wear just a tattered vest with no undershirt at all. When a larger than usual enemy comes on screen, his eyes are giant and contain no pupils, making them look like they just discovered the magical combination of smoking pcp and bath salts together. The NES version of this game can only support your character, plus a maximum of two enemies that must look exactly alike.

Soundtrack: 10/10

This is by far the best synthesized soundtrack to have ever been produced, even when compared to the synthesizer version of black Sabbaths ‘paranoid’ looped throughout biker mice from mars. When you beat the game and the credits roll, the soundtrack calms into an enchanting, remorseful sounding song that helps you reflect on the four and a half thousand people you just murdered, or are still lying in a street choking on their own teeth.

Fun factor: 8/10

I replay this game all the time in multiple ports. Either the original version for the coin-op arcade machines, the sega version, game boy advanced version or even the Atari 2600 version, which was so sure this version would be a hit, they sold cartridges for the bankrupt and nearly extinct video game console. The Atari version boasted indistinguishable amorphous blocks of 4 bit color schemes and difficult controls. The most fun I ever had playing double dragon for Atari was when I lent it to somebody and never got it back.

Political correctness factor: -2/10

This game states you don’t need to be drunk to punch a woman. Plus the heroes are given Chinese names and are karate experts…. Nope, nothing racist there.

Relative comparability to bourbon names: 11/10

Never before has one video game been so easy to compare names to Kentucky straight bourbon.

Alc. 45.2%

Bottle:

Classic woodford presentation; tombstone shaped bottle with a burnt copper color label.

Nose:

Big bourbon opening, just getting thicker after airing. lots of banana and cherry backed by huge creamy vanilla. Some chemical like isopropryl, wet earth and light amount of char. Some sour rye after generous airing.

Palate:

Fruity beginning to a woody expression. Very creamy with char, corn, candy shop, roasted walnuts, clay and a minty exit. Incredibly complex and ever changing. Egg nog spice and dry hay are apparent, but pleasant. Roasted walnuts anchor the bass notes.

Overall:

As if woodford reserve wasn’t good enough, they just had to go and make this. Buy, buy, buy.

Please note:

This particular bottle starts its life as the usual distillers select bourbon, but is finished in a second cask. The second cask has been heavily toasted rather than charred, which really lends a soft creamy vanilla quality to the bourbon. The bourbon finishes in the second cask for around a year.

With a mash bill containing 72% corn, 18% rye and 10% malt, this is triple distilled in copper pot stills to a proof of 140 and watered down to a barrel entry at 110 proof. there isn’t much more water added to bring to bottle proof, which is believed that it keeps the integrity of the barrel proof flavor.

Woodford reserve is aged for roughly 6 – 8 years in the rickhouses. Some of these rickhouses that contain the ageing barrels have a heated floor which helps add more ‘summertime effects’ on the ageing barrels. Technically the extra heating could help speed up the ageing process, making a 6 year old bourbon taste like an 8 year old bourbon.

This particular bottle has met mixed reviews by many experts and enthusiasts alike, which seem to show a love-it-or-hate-it approach to the bottle. Personally, I love it. you can find this in the lcbo for 70$

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