Last straw corn spirits – unaged and 6 months old
The man who sold the wort
Remember robin thicke? He’s the guy who wrote that smash hit ‘blurred lines’ a few years back and now everybody remembers him as being alan thickes son. How about the group lmfao? Remember those party rockers? They’re the 2012 hit sensation that rocked the top 40 music industry, ripped off deadmaus and helped those gorilla juicehead guido jersey shore people(who mostly were not Italian) pump their fists for one endless, self degrading summer. They ran around in their videos on a beach with long, curly brown hair, backwards caps, sporting designer shades and board shorts and banged chicks with obvious self esteem issues. They were a wild party. Maybe even a wilder party than Kim ‘the skullet’ Mitchell. These guys lived the high school jock life; you know, popular for two years and then they can’t forget how cool they looked with frosted tips in their hair, or caught that pass in a game nobody remembers. They regale coworkers as they sweep up all the crumbs from underneath your feet as you sip cappuccino in the coffee shop.
However, to live as those guys did you would probably need a lot of alcohol to keep the party going.
Speaking of an endless party lifestyle, there’s this one guy, and he makes his own booze. Matter of fact, he makes so much of his own booze, he’s always hammered or hungover. You might think you would always see him out at bars getting wasted, but you don’t. You might think you would always see empties building up in his garage or lots of empty 40’s in his recycling, but you don’t. This guy doesn’t really drink even.
The person we’re talking about is named matthew and has something called ‘auto brewery syndrome’ and drinking a beer could kill him faster than being a white person on vacation in mexico. Inside this man’s body, yeast grows which constantly thrives in his digestive system. Every time the guy has something to eat, the yeast goes at work, converting the sugars in his food into alcohol(inside his body) and the home brew goes right into his bloodstream, making him constantly intoxicated. The whole idea of being smashed 100% of the time sounds like why you can’t remember one day of being 20. When he’s not drunk, he’s terribly hungover. When he’s not hungover, he’s intoxicated, which leads to: no driving, no job, ugly girlfriends, irresistible urges to eat burger king, Hawaiian shirts, attraction to redheads, finding humor in whisky sponge articles, joining a softball team and freestyling with your homies.
matthew has not only suffered with long time ailments such as childhood hangovers, but he also suffers from early onset male pattern baldness, which keeps him from being employed at our office. We don’t mind that he’s drunk, but we only hire people with thick, lush heads of flowing hair so we can dangle it outside castle walls to be rescued by knights.
This man is a modern icon, because he was one of the first in the world to be diagnosed with auto brewery syndrome. He grew up very tired, unstable or ill most of his childhood because of his condition. He mentioned that when he was attending school he noticed his grades failing and his mood slipping into an uncontrollable state. He was simply cranky because he was constantly hungover. He stopped playing sports and barely got through high school, which lead to him flunking out of college. Matthew says he can control the symptoms by adhering to a strict diet of proteins and nuts. although he can turn himself into ‘your uncle at christmas’ at any moment by eating some carbs or fruit, the bad tends to outweigh the good.
However, there is one man who wanted to make his own booze too, and so he did. Upon visiting the last straw distillery in erin, Ontario I was able to sample corn spirits, one new make and one aged for only 6 months, from the maestro of the last straw distillery himself, one don dimonte.
Grainy and sweet. Thick nose. Light solvent and wet lined paper. Some corn and raw nuts.
Sweet, grainy and full of spirit. warm on the tongue, with a creamy, thick mouthfeel. Drinkable and smooth for a new make.
not an everyday, but good. Holds up to water.
Grain is emphasized with some slight sweetness and roasted nuts. Light char. Solvent.
Grainy and pleasant with giant emphasis on grain. Some toffee starting, blazing hot pepper finish. Slightly tannic.
More heat than the white, but more complex. interesting. Good foundation.
All around nice guy, don dimonte has crafted a corn/sugar spirit crafted from local sourced yellow dent corn. distilled in a modern multi-purpose still(pot with column attached) up to around 76%, then it has been watered down to a strength of 65% for barrel entry.
Due to a trial and error process, don and his family are still trying to perfect their process, but he has informed me that he expects to deliver an annual yield of 8600 litres per annum and is hopefull to produce 36L per day.