forty creek unity

40 creek unity

 

CWENN – fake news you can count on

 

2019 Canadian whisky awards end up in controversy after a ghost whisky wins first place

 

[CHIPPAWA, Canada] Whisky is a nice business: the PR people are nice people to attract attention to their brand, whisky collectors are nice people, the people you speak with at whisky festivals are nice and the people who write and review whisky are mostly nice people. Even mark kaufman ended his year with a ‘5 worst of the year’ review and the guy wholeheartedly apologized the whole time while saying that the whiskies weren’t suitable for drinking. Way to keep your sponsors happy mark. You gutless pussy.

With that being said, there is always that exception to the ‘nice guy’ rule and once again, it happens to be me. I may be one of the meanest in this writing business.

‘im not a nice person, im a mean, selfish sonofabitch.’

You know who said that? Charles Bronson, the violent psychopath vigilante with indigenous persons moustache. Yup, he was a mean, selfish sonofabitch. He would tend to drop indifferent, monotone lines like that just before he kicked the fuck out of a street thug or watermelon poacher. In his magnus opus, death wish 3 he was directly and/or indirectly responsible for 83 deaths. Well, there was one guy who died by falling out of a first story window, so maybe poor calcium was directly responsible for that death…nonetheless he was ruthless, intolerant and he never opened his mouth when he kissed girls, but he always had the publics best interest in mind. You know what else he said?

‘its those DAMN DRUGS.’

And personally im not on enough drugs to tolerate the sort of hokum thats going on with forty creek lately. Once a proud distillery reawakening the ‘cool’ status of canadian whisky, now they are driven by a heartless multibillion dollar conglomerate who keeps forty creek and its values on the bottom of the ‘to-do’ list.

As my 2018 was closing up we saw the news of a special one off forty creek release. Over the last three years, or for as long as campari has held the reins, forty creek has been pretty sleepy with their special releases, but this, this was going to be special. For the first time we were going to see a single grain, single barrel, 22 year old 100% rye flavouring whisky from virgin, custom coopered lightly charred oak, some of the first stock that john hall laid down, long before forty creek capped off its pot still and started sourcing whisky from our good friends in [REDACTED] at the [REDACTED] distillery across the water from [REDACTED] in southern [REDACTED]. This bottle was exactly what true forty creek fans have been asking for, for years.

John hall always said he would never sell a single grain whisky, and he held true to his word. He also never sold a bottle with an age statement, or a single barrel release, or let down his loyal customers, but when campari bought the booming distillery from an aging man who was looking 38 years passed legal requirement for Canadian pension, they threw out johns rule book, as well as his commitment to customers. I mailed the Canadian ambassador of forty and he confirmed, stating ‘it may be the best whisky hes ever had’. This is not small potatoes.

The bloodlust had started. People messaged me for details, insider deals, people phoned me at home begging to get their hands on a bottle, or just a taste. I made alliances with some, stating that if i got a bottle and they didn’t, id split whatever i got if they would do the same for me if i missed out. i lied to them all.

I confirmed the release date and details from the lcbo: online sales only, 90 bottles, limit 2 per customer, 225$, December 31st release, ordering starts at 8am. I immediately went on facebook and started misdirecting people saying the release was well into the new year, maybe a week or two and could be sold in stores, price may go up. Like i said im mean and selfish. There simply is not enough to go around so let them pick at the bones after im done.

December 31st rolls around i see a rumour that 40 creek has announced a delay in the release. Hmm, perhaps somebody is playing my tricks… i phoned and confirmed that there will be a definite lag in the release. just recently the Canadian whisky awards, the epitome of Canadian whisky news gives forty creeks 22 year old rye the top prize for whisky of the year.

As time passes, forty creek updates stating that there were complications and that the release may not ever be released to the public due to discrepancies in the lab: there may have been too much wood toxin in the juice, or there was a label issue, or, perhaps those 90 bottles were all bought on insider trading by rich men in suits, all the while lying to loyal customers. We may never know. It remains a ghost bottle.

All in all the Canadian whisky awards look foolish, on par with jim murray after his personal exploitation of a cheap crown royal pick. The whisky award after party was blown when the news got out that the winner was a ghost. Davin attempted to save face by an act of hara-kiri, threatening to drink straight from a bottle of dillons white rye, which could mean instant death by repulsion. Heather smacked the bottle of dillons rye out of his hands and when French Canadian judge andre saw physical conflict he turned and scattered in fear. To repent for his disgrace blair severely flogged himself in front of his spiritual idol, a golden bust of davin. chip has been seen visiting various doctors trying to receive a rare trauma diagnosis so he can be prescribed some cool pills.

What i learned from all this is i will stick with the flagships; double barrel, confederation oak, and copper pot which are still solid. Further, if forty creek had a barrel of 22 year old flavouring rye laying around, why not blend it into something special and worthwhile, perhaps something better than unity. Or how about instead of bringing in 5 people who like forty creek and cokes, and were lucky enough to be picked out of a random lottery, why not bring in 5 charles bronsons, who will always have the publics best interest in mind?

Either way, while we have global conglomerates in cahoots with the lcbo, im not the meanest in the business anymore…

BREAKING –

(TORONTO, Ontario)in anticipation for next year’s shortage of judges, punch-drunk halfwit vlogger rob desantis has announced he is learning to reed. Reid. Red. Rob desantis is learning to read.

 

Alc. 43%

Nose:

Light but toffee and grape forward, followed by vanilla extract, and dry wood staves. Fruity and fresh floral. Something meaty and heavy sits in the background. Citrus peels.

Palate:

Light on the palate, but full of raisins, dark red wine, prune, chewy toffee, finally tapering out to bitter oak and pepper to balance. Lacking in robust flavour, but definitely complex, some chocolate, big turk, creamy corn, artificial grape soda, with rye grain and marmalade if you look for it. Thick texture.

Overall: 84

Strange, complex, moving, light bodied, reminiscent of past annual release ‘evolution’, but younger and less balanced.

Please note:

In a move to keep a grassroots feel to the whisky, forty creek invited 5 fans from all over Canada to pick out a blend to bottle as 2018’s annual release. After sampling a few blends, they came to an agreement on a blend consisting of 4 year old whisky which was further aged with the addition of ‘mocha staves’, which are oak staves toasted and treated to bring out mocha qualities in the wood. They then added 10 year old corn whisky and a dash of 15 year old port aged in forty creek barrels. The port has been aging since the epic port wood reserve releases.