MG spirit whisky cola
a note from the editor
after a year and a half, we here are finally resorting to toilet humor in lack of any substantial material to write about. There are a couple bad words slipped in this article too.
You see, we here at the cwe office found it important to talk about personal things. Let’s face it, we’ve grown together, I’m comfortable with you, you should be comfortable with me. As the head editor at the cwe office, I think we should come out about our embarrassment and come clean. I’ll start.
I have pooped my pants in public. I feel empathy for the writer in this article as we discuss mishaps with our circulatory system. I too, have felt the mix of emotions as you deal with the realization that you are indeed going to go caca in your trousers and there is nothing that is going to change the fact that your pants are going to be coated with sludge that appeared at 98.6 degrees and has cooled to room temperature on your thigh, or possibly, calf.
Whether your 5 years old standing line in an lcbo after consuming pathogenic bacteria from some well water and you’re about to be wading in a pool of your own chunky butt gravy, or you have just eaten a couple dozen pickled onions for the first time and you just soaked through four layers of clothing(including snowpants) with hot aqua pazza or you’re just plain hungover and trying desperately to walk home before you have to wrap your sweater around your waist, we may not have the exact same experience, but in your adult life you are indeed, going to shit yourself. So please, embrace the moment of coming of age, it will be a monumental experience you will never forget.
So, let’s get personal and talk about your butt.
Gary Schroeder. Ceo, cfo, bmf
The man from planet D.A.D.S.
When we mention the word dads, we tend to think somebody might be talking about their father. Well, not this week. We’re talking about D.A.D.S.
The significance of D.A.D.S. is that they are what’s helping you feel better from your hangover. Sure, your toilet paper may look like you previously wiped with a cheesegrater, effectively turning your underwear into a blank canvas for a rosebud shaped rubber stamp, but D.A.D.S. are what’s helping you eliminate the shitty feeling of a hangover(pun intended). D.A.D.S. are ‘day after drinking shits’.
Now you know.
When you drink in excess, your body metabolizes alcohol before anything else in your system, because alcohol is tasty, tasty poison, hence the word, intoxication. Your body quickly jumps into metabolizing your 2 pitchers of cuba libres into energy and starts to expel the less useful waste, being solids and liquids that are going to stain your toilet bowl. This is why you will wake up at 7 in the morning with a severe hangover and be unable to fall back asleep; the bottle of jack you drank is now turned into caloric energy. You pee some out, but still have a giant ball of undigested fun in your guts, so now it’s time to get rid of what you drank, and most likely, felated whilst passing out on your couch.
The thing is, you can’t poop out your peepee, but you can most definitely pee out your pooper.
After some swearing you’ll never drink again and pooping out a foamy butt aneurism, you may start to feel better. That’s the example of D.A.D.S. we’re talking about. When the noise from your rectum sounds like when you squeeze the last bit of liquid soap from the bottle and creates the same bubbling effect, you can bet D.A.D.S. is shaping up your morning. After a couple more eruptions of unstrained spicy tea water you’ll have rid of some of the undesirables in your body.
What’s next is some form of what resembles some type of vomit, then fluffy floaters that you have to layer with loads of fresh unused toilet paper to ensure its coaxed down the toilet and not discovered by the next person to use the toilet, which in this case, is most likely you again. By this point the feeling that you ate peeled habaneros with your sphincter should have subsided by now. After you’ve gone online and bought stocks in toilet duck and toilet brushes to counter your losses and damages to your toilet bowl, you may find yourself shaking your head and angrily evacuating something that looks kinda like carbonated butt dumplings. At this point, don’t worry. The fictional creator you have been praying to will finally hear your pleas for mercy and grant you a solid poop, meaning your hangover will be gone aaaand science.
However, in case you aren’t fully capable of moderation or pouring your own 50/50’s or your own black tooth grins, you can always reach for readymade, ready to drink cocktails like MG spirit, whisky cola. The good people at MG spirit have already mixed some cocktails for you so you so you aren’t compelled to send yourself into an alcoholic coma by over pouring your own drinks. Beware of D.A.D.S. though, they tend to lurk behind anything that tastes good.
Clear straightedge soda bottle with a small white rectangular label. States MG spirit – quality mix.
The smell on this reminds me of sitting in a pizza joint with greasy fingers and sipping a flat fountain soda. There’s a little spirit in the aromas, but this mostly smells of flat citrusy cola with a touch of tiger balm.
Two seconds after pouring the carbonation has completely disappeared, although it tingles on the tongue. The palate is interesting. Penny machine bubble gum, lime rind, fountain machine no name cola and the finish carries a little spirit which tastes like a white rum and coke. Very sweet and syrupy.
It’s ok. I’m not one for premixed drinks, but in a pinch, this should do.
Well now. I am stumped as to how to inform you of this product as the website is in dutch. From what I can tell, MG spirit exports from spain and carries a line of at least 12 premixed cocktails. This is found in foreign markets.