petron silver tequila

Petron silver tequila

 

My little bronytail

 

Pony:

an animal inferior to horses. You can’t even eat them.

Brony:

a grown male who is a fan of my little pony, which is a cartoon series driven to young, kindergarten aged girls.

Bro:

today’s bro is the inferior version of a jersey shore failed casting tryout. A bro is the young male in his twenties who is stuck in a perpetual high school football locker room mindset.

The modern day bro is seldom seen with a shirt on in the warm weather. The bro is typically found texting on a cell phone to other bros, or ‘pussy’ as bros describe the female race. the bro is localized in north America or more collectively in the usa or Canada, in more densely populated areas. The bro is happiest when found in ‘raves’ or ‘the club’ which could be christened with a name like ‘closet’. It is important to note that the club can only consist of one word with two syllables as to not confuse the bro.

When encountered in the wild(starbucks, gnc, gym), bros tend to communicate in short bursts of simple words annunciated at top levels of volume. Example: ‘SORRY BRO.’ or ‘I DON’T KNOW BRO.’ or ‘JIM CARREY IS SOOO FUNNY BRO.’. don’t look a bro directly in the eyes for extended periods of time as it may indicate a threat to the bro. remember the modern bro has spent years practicing yelling ‘WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT BRO?!’ in 7/11 parking lots and when in groups of 7 or more they tend to lash out at individual targets, likely those who are weak or perhaps unable to defend themselves.

The bro manages to keep a fierce profile and exudes danger until the bro reaches his 30th birthday at which point the bro is immediately considered ‘pathetic’ or ‘fucking embarrassing’. You can spot a bro by his 300$ designer jeans funded by inheritance, loud gangster rap music, tanned caucasian skin, excessive use of the word ‘bro’, particularly stupid short haircut which may consist of a ‘fade’, ‘blowout’ or designs carved into his hair. The formal attire is a slender gold chain, a ‘wife-beater’ shirt and some large frame reflective sunglasses.

The diet of a bro consists of caffeine, taurine, electrolyte replenishing drinks, anabolics, ephedrine, red meat and of course, vodka sodas and tequila for upgrading their masculinity from ‘scared and insecure’ to ‘ripped and jacked’.

If you happen to encounter a bro, I personally recommend use of deadly force, like shooting to kill without discrimination. Extinction of this species is non-concerning.

My little ponytail:

ahem, now me. Yes, I have a short ponytail. Sorry, let me go into further detail. I am a 34 year old heterosexual caucasian male who speaks perfect english with a short ponytail.

Lets face it, I’m a 34 year old dude and I’m not going to be graced with my lush, thick, full and flowing head full of golden locks for too many more years, so I’ve decided to grow out may hair and donate it to somebody who actually needs and will appreciate it. My hair is healthy and downright fucking sexy. I tell myself it’s a good thing, the right thing. Clearly I am making no monetary sacrifice, nor am I giving away my home or possessions, I just look stupid for a good cause.

But why? Why do I have to look so stupid having a short ponytail? Well, heres why; I have more punk rock in my stool than Johnny rotten has in his entire decayed body since starting public image limited. So, I am not the guy to have a short ponytail. I wear pig destroyer and cannibal corpse shirts or shirts that say ‘fuck’ or ‘aborted’, which is most definitely not the attire of a guy with a short ponytail.

At work, my ass is constantly penetrated by other men without short ponytails. They stab me in the butt with long phallic objects and call me Fabio, furio or sensei.

One day though… one day I could look the part and be the part. I could strut proudly wearing tight black brief underwear, a maroon leather jacket, purple velvet pants, floral print silk button up shirt, pointy shoes and I would fake a thick foreign accent. Nordic? Slavic maybe? I would say things like ‘samsung. Hmph. eets sheeit, bro.’ or ‘I am totally laughs about the chucks lidell.’ Yeah, I would totally fit in listening to some russian house techno and driving a small 4 cylinder car while disregarding stop signs. You know what I would drink? I think you know by now…

Alc. 40%

Bottle:

Small squat bell and stubby stem type of bottle with flat sides and a bee insignia. Clear label. Top with an outrageous exaggerated spherical cork stopper.

Nose:

Floral and fruity. Sweet perfume with some oily stone fruits. Raw, new make.

Palate:

Sweet and just a touch spicy. Light pepper. Incredibly smooth, with yellow plum and raisin. Vegetation nd something… unique. Cooked sugar. Quick exit, quick finish. Pleasant.

Overall:

Im actually surprised to say I enjoyed this. It won’t push a bottle of rye off my shelf, but I may make room for this tequila.

Please note:

Tequila is unique because it is crafted from a blue agave plant which comes from the territory surrounding the city of tequila, mexico. It is a region specific spirit, which derives from the umbrella of mescal.

It is believed that tequila is the highest grade of mescal because of the soil conditions and terrior that lend a higher quality to the harvested plants. The soil surrounding the area is volcanic.

Tequila is a spirit that can legally be sold as low as 38% abv, but can reach as high as 55% and as low as 33% abv, respectively.

The farmers who tend to the agave prevent the plant from flowering and they let it mature to reach a peak starch content for fermentation. Only the core of the plant is used in mescal production. Sometimes the cooked starchy pulp is recycled back into the next mash to give a dense flavor like a sour mash process.

Tequila is now being largely recognized for its high quality and is being aged in oak to round out flavours and add smoothness to the final product.

The worm found in spirits is solely a marketing gimmick. The gimmick started around the 1940’s to produce higher sales. The worm is only found in mescal, and indicates a worm infestation, which tends to indicate a low quality product.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s