Wisers double still rye
Man buys 5$ drink of whisky and discovers it’s a ‘fake’
Chippawa, ON. The counterfeit racket has affected the Scottish, Asian, American and now the Canadian market with the latest report of fake whiskies. we now have reports that a Caucasian man has paid 4.75$ for a 3cL portion of premium grade Crown royal mixer which has been later reported as a counterfeit.
Eye witness, gary schroeder reports; ‘I was having a rye and ginger as I [usually] do at the village restaurant here in chippawa, when I noticed that it didn’t taste like dish soap and cigarette butts, like the mixed drinks usually do, since the patrons smash their cigarettes in to the empty highball glass, and they’re never rinsed well enough. I walked into the back room to compliment the owner, when I noticed that he was pouring wisers double still rye into an old crown royal bottle to display on the shelf so he could save a few bucks, and charge an extra quarter for a ‘premium grade’ well cocktail.
Village restaurant owner, known only as the sponge, was not available for comment, but his attorney reported; ‘our client, the [sponge] is desperate. He was exiled from Scotland for trash talking every whisky personality, ever and had to pick up a job, so he decided to go work for jim murray, and was quickly fired after mr murray smelled sulphur in his morning tea that mr sponge would deliver. The sponge was shortly employed as mr murrays immediate caregiver, but quickly released due to incompetence. Now, he has taken to hiding in chippawa; a place with the highest amount of pubs, per capita in all of Canada. We represent mr sponge and reflect that he’s only trying to make a living.’
Gary Schroeder, victim, continues; ‘holy shit! Does that say victim? I don’t feel like a victim, I mean, I’d say 5 bucks for a mixed drink made with wisers double still rye is a fair price, even compared to one made with crown royal. I’m not upset at all. Matter of fact, I prefer the wisers over crown royal. As well, I kinda feel bad for the sponge; I hope he lands on his feet soon. Maybe I’ll send over some of my writers to help him write some worthwhile articles that contain a little humor and interesting content. ’
In recent developments, the world of Canadian whisky enthusiasts and global whisky experts have come together in a form of coalition to ensure that more pubs and establishments replace their bottle of mixing whisky with bottles of wisers double still rye; according to them, it’s less expensive and it tastes better.
‘shame, really,’ eye witness and supreme ruler of the world Gary Schroeder was quoted as saying, ‘I could have used that extra 25 cents on the coin operated dispenser in the bathroom to get a 2 milliliter vial of CK1, or I could have bought one of those funny French tickler balloons.’
A team of investigators refused to seek any further information.
The present whereabouts of the sponge is currently not interesting.
Full of sweet pastel candies and pickle rye, icing sugar, smoke, slight plastic smell. Simple.
Mild and sweet, with outstanding pickle, and fruity rye. Caraway, dark fruits, anise, bordering on root beer. Minty exit with soft black pepper.
An economy priced mixer, which borders on a sipper. Good.
Doctor don Livermore has expanded the wisers brand once again with an addition of wisers double still rye. A combination of column and hybrid still 100% rye, combined to showcase the spicy and fruity profile of rye grain. this is aged between 4 and 9 years in virgin, used bourbon and used Canadian fill barrels. This is sure to corner a market on the discount shelf. Although it is inexpensive, it is very well served as a mixer and is enjoyable in a manhattan.
This is a blend of rye that is to rebranded as wisers ‘triple barrel rye’ in October [sic], to keep a homogeneous market between Canada and the usa. The tasting notes will be printed on the front of the bottle, which will sport a familiar green label that happens to be found on many rye forward bottle as of late.
Although lot 40 surpasses this in all fronts, this carries some very similar qualities and is sold for roughly 29$ [sic] in the lcbo and I have seen it reach as low as 27$, with sales and promotions.