wiser’s seasoned oak

Wisers seasoned oak


Challenge #7 – I have a moustache(dadstache)


Editor’s note:

In a series of personal challenges set by myself, and peers in the office, our team is going to challenge the norm and put ourselves in unnerving predicaments. Here are our observations of when I had a moustache. Enjoy.


Why is it that of all the throwback stuff we laugh at today, we disregard a huge bullseye? When we create comedic films over the last 15 years, we tend to make fun of bands like toto, mike mcdonald, boy George, Kenny loggins but we never make fun of rod stewart. Rod stewart looks like the first guy you punch out in a bar fight. The haircut of a wet golden retriever, sports coat and paisley shirt was his trademark look other than always looking ten years older than his actual age. His smokey voice and fatherly looks moistened vaginas for decades. He demolished more pussy than an abortion clinic run by ray Charles.

At a time when we were creating exceptional music, we also had ramrod skulking around trying to fit in to other peoples bands, getting in on their vocal duties, banging their girlfriends and sleeping on their couches. he had some promise with songs like gasoline alley until he had his heart broken by Rachel hunter, then he turned into a real slut. I could just imagine the mess of blonde crotch moustache being smashed together in the early 90’s. moustaches, pubes and rod stewart were still quite acceptable.

Although today, its 2018. I’m in my mid 30’s, some say late 30’s, heterosexual, white, employed and I have a blonde moustache. Im not even trying to cheat with a chin puff or soul patch, im full on walking around with a thick plumbers moustache and a whole lack of self awareness. The only thing less appealing than a full blown moustache on a man of my demographic would be a swastika tattoo or long sideburns. Im more embarrassed to have this than to be seen peddling a girls bike from the beer store with a 12 pack on my knee.

I walk down the halls at work and associates recoil at first glance of my moustache. The reactions range from anger to hostility; one guy told me I was a ‘piece of shit’. That was it, he walked up to me and said ‘you are a piece of shit’ and walked away. All I did was wear an unpopular facial hairstyle. I take my kid to school and the other parents shield their children from me, like I’m a threat. Lately, I started wearing khaki pants with a button up shirt tucked in and a combover haircut, just to really show off the ned flanders in me, to accentuate the moustache. People used to stare at me because I would wear grindcore or punk rock shirts with corpses on them, but now people are truly frightened of my clean cut looks. I just want to remind these people there are grown men who are half bald and still hang on to their ponytail with what’s left on the side of their head. They wear spring break t-shirts from 20 years ago with bikini clad cartoon women that barely stretch over their bulging gut and bitch tits and drive doorless orange jeeps with testicles hanging off the trailer hitch. That’s fucked.

Im sick of asians being the only people to look good in a moustache. I say with my newest challenge, I could successfully revive the sexual idolism of steve Harvey, alex trebek or super mario. People tell me I look like a pornstar, a creep, redneck, a sociopath, pervert, an old wrestler, or everybodys dad, which I prefer. my doctor diagnosed me demented. I’m not sure if my challenge was a success or not; all I did was survive a few weeks with a moustache and not get laid, but I sheepishly avoided eye contact while wearing a moustache. Its not like a grew one in either; I grew out my beard and then shaved it off, less the stache, so it was a full on duster. Some days I rub gravy into it, to darken it up and so I can suck on it, which seems to generate some physical conflict from others.

And so, ive released my inner farther, just in time for fathers day, just the same as wisers has released seasoned oak, which seems to be their latest challenge, just in time for fathers day.


Alc. 48%


This is the boxy, sturdy standard rectangular prism that we should now all recognize when reaching for a premium wisers. A circular, wooden cork on top. Timeless.


Uber fruity nose with a floral vanilla crème brulee and an unexpected touch of mesquite or bbq chips. Candied orange flesh and fragrant flowers mark the first signs of summer. There is no sign of spirit. powdery, pressed pastel candies, like sweet tarts, juicy bartlet pear, nutmeg. There is some mustard on the nose.


Rich, velvet smooth and fruity. Poached pears, yellow tender fruit and candy. Packed with sweet tarts, bubble gum, flowers and oranges. Rye pops out briefly, then leads to baking spices and hints of mesquite and bbq season grilling, before tapering into assertive oak finish, with tugging tannins and black pepper. The texture is like a butter rum lifesaver. Garden mint, perfume.

Overall: 91

The blending is of outstanding quality, of course. Fruity candy and spice.

Please note:

Hailing from Windsor, this is yet another creation from blending wizard doctor don Livermore. An lcbo exclusive, a few thousand bottles are hitting the shelves in time for fathers day. 100$

This bottle is a stunning 19 year old blend of corn and a high rye content, which seems to fit the good doctors style lately. The water is city water filtered through reverse osmosis to remove minerals. This blend is finished in barrels made from oak staves coopered in Kentucky, which were air dried in the naked elements for 48 months. The purpose of which is to draw gentle tannins, although I believe there is a prominent fruity profile, which I personally mistook for limousine oak from france.